The Ladder

Last night I had a dream. I remember darkness, and the sense you can only get by closing your eyes underwater, not being able to breathe, with no sounds around you. Then a ladder dropped in front of me, all of a sudden there are 3 ladders right next to me, hanging so close, I can see them even in the darkness. With no other actions to take, I grab hold of the closest one and begin to climb.


After climbing for a while, I notice there are thorns on the rest of the way. However, since I already started, I decide to endure and keep going up, to what I believe, is a way out of the darkness. Pain becomes more difficult to handle as the thorns keep getting larger and now it becomes almost impossible to avoid the sharp barbs from piercing my skin. I want to scream my lungs out in pain but I still can't breathe.


When I am convinced this is the most difficult climb I've had, the ladder becomes slippery as well, I can't help but laugh inside at how unfortunate the joke I call my life, has become. After tumbling down several times clutching harder and harder, at the cost of gashing wounds all over my body, I realize I might die before I leave darkness. Now desperate to find oxygen, just so I can scream, I keep climbing. I cry.


Nothing would please me more than saying how I escaped darkness in the end, of how much relief I got after a mouthful of air. However, dreams, just like real life, have things outside our control. I feel I am reaching my limit, my vision clouded by the pain and the pathetic sight of myself, when all of a sudden, I see light. My eyes were used to the darkness, so it's hard to make out what it is. I just feel warm.


My eyes can see it clearly now, it's not the light at the end of hardship, it's not a ray of hope shining through. The ladder caught on fire, I am holding on to it, therefore, I catch on fire. I am screaming now, however, no sounds come out, nothing prepared me for this, something inside me breaks, it's so real I can almost hear it with waking ears. I let go of the ladder, I find darkness. I embrace it. I wake up.